and the coolness of your smile is

New Year's Survey!

2009-12-28T19:34:43Z

New Year's Survey! I have a ritual of doing this at the end of every year.

What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
- Really & truly had my heart broken, by my first love. Taylor and I were together only from November 2008 to June 2009, but it was a fast-moving and intense relationship. I loved him because he read books and wore a crazy hat; I loved him so much that I was really weak in the relationship and overlooked all of the uncaring, mean things that he did. Ignoring phone calls, breaking plans without a good reason, getting drunk with an ex-girlfriend. He might have cheated on me, and just didn't treat me right, but I overlooked it all for the sake of the blissful moments when he did care. Finally he broke up with me, and even though I realized how badly it had been going, I had never been so sad in my life.

- I made a lot of new friends this year. I started talking more to people I work with and people in my classes. Also I met a lot of friends through Taylor, and we ended up being good friends in our own right, instead of friends just because I was dating one of their friends. Ironically, most of them aren't even friends with him anymore. In October, Taylor moved to Israel for a program in which he'll get college credit to work on a farm & learn Hebrew... and he cut off contact with pretty much everyone. Anyway, these friends and I started spending a lot of time together over the summer; when I was depressed over the break-up, they really helped me through it. We spent the summer speeding around the state, to a beach or a park or the city, or someone's basement, having a really good time.

- I'm now in a genuinely loving and supportive new relationship. I'd thought this was what I had with Taylor, but found out that it wasn't true -- I was so much more into it than he was. In July, a friend of mine from high school, Kent, introduced me to his friend Tristan, a classmate of his in Northeastern's engineering program. Tristan, Kent, and I, along with Kent's girlfriend Liz, got together a few times over the summer, whenever the three of them came to RI from Boston, and Tristan and I hit it off. In between visits we would leave messages on each other's facebooks and things like that, and I started to be interested in him. We started dating in August, slowly at first because I was still getting over Taylor. But then around October I really fell in love. We are quite different on the surface -- a writer and a mechanical engineer -- but we have the same sense of humor and love of weird random things. He takes an interest in all the things I love -- Amélie and contemporary poetry and whatnot. And I feel really secure in this relationship, and supported, which is something I've never really felt before.

- I did an internship. It was for two months over the summer, working for a sort of online magazine focused on the Providence, RI arts scene. I updated the website and worked on an interview series. I applied for it on a whim because I was depressed and wanted something new to take my mind off of the break-up, and I ended up getting it, to my surprise. I have a lot of regrets about it, though. It was a nice opportunity, and I didn't make the most of it because I was so depressed, which was stupid. I should have put more effort into it.

- As a result of dating Tristan, I've spent lots of time in Boston, where he lives. It's always been the big city closest to where I live (an hour away), and one of my favorite places. I've gotten to know it a lot better.

- I became a writing tutor in my university's Writing Center. My freshman year, I took a tutor training course, but never applied for a position. Spring semester junior year, I decided I wanted to try it after all, so I applied and got a position. I was nervous because it's a social sort of thing, talking to lots of people, and that makes me really nervous. But I took the chance. It ended up being really great! The Writing Center is a cozy place with purple walls and blue chairs, and I enjoy helping students with their writing, and I think I've gotten a lot better at it. It also gave me confidence that I can be a good teacher, if that's what I decide to do.

- I got really interested in poetry. I've always wandered around various genres but never committed to one. I tried to make myself a fiction writer because it's the most marketable genre, but eventually I realized that fiction isn't what I love best. I love reading it, but not so much writing it. I decided to go to grad school with poetry as my main genre. I'm also still interested in creative nonfiction too.

- I had some things published in my school's arts & literature publication. It's not really a big deal because the editorial board pretty much consists of people I'm friends with, and it's a new publication, not a shiny fancy one or anything. But it was still nice, and I got to give a reading at the launch party.

- I applied to graduate school. Still applying, actually. Last year I was thinking about it but not really sure. What made me decide was my Advanced Poetry class in spring 2009. The professor said that I was talented and that I really should go for the MFA in creative writing. So I researched it more and decided it was something I really wanted to do. Also, the idea of being a professor eventually started to look more and more appealing. Now, I want to go to grad school for an MFA so much; I haven't wanted anything this much in a long time.

- I turned twenty-one. I haven't noticed much of a difference from being twenty, because I hardly ever drink. I also look around seventeen years old, so it's amusing to see how shocked waiters are when they check my ID and realize I'm not bullshitting them, hehe.

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Last year, I wrote:

For next year, I'm not going to make resolutions. Just possibilities. Things I might want:
- Sometime in the not-far future, I would like to move out. I get along with my parents, but I feel like I really want to earn some independence and start learning how to make my own way in the world and whatnot. I have no idea how this could happen before I graduate. Even tiny apartments in questionable neighborhoods are fairly expensive around here, and I don't know if I could hold a full-time job while remaining a full-time student. Also I would rather live by myself than with a roommate; I like my space. It doesn't look promising this year, but maybe I'll find a way.
- Next fall I'm going to start my senior year in college and I'm scared. I still do not know at all what I want to do for a job. Maybe I will apply to grad school? I thought of going for an MFA in fiction. But I'm not sure if I really want to do it, or if I only want to do it because it's a way of avoiding entering the real world. So I guess, I hope I'll figure something out.

I didn't move out yet -- just not financially possible while still an undergrad. But I will move out for grad school, so I feel okay about this.

I did actually fulfill the second "resolution." I started senior year, and have a goal: get into grad school for an MFA in poetry. As for an eventual career goal, it is tentatively to be a professor, but that depends on so many things (location, money, ability to get a position when it's so competitive) that I might end up doing something else. But I feel okay about my goals and things.

For next year, it is going to be such a year of change -- graduating from college, moving out, hopefully going to grad school -- that I think I will make the resolution of not getting overwhelmed by it all, staying stable, and embracing new opportunities with enthusiasm.

Did someone close to you give birth?
No.

Did someone close to you pass away?
Yes, unfortunately, in November my Uncle Billy died suddenly of a cause that they're still trying to figure out. It was terrible and I'm still shocked. He was seemingly healthy then all of a sudden, very ill, and no one could believe it. I wasn't very close to him, but he was a cool guy, and I saw him fairly often. He had just bought a motorcycle and he kept it at our house for a little while, so he would come round and take it out for a ride. I feel most badly for my mom because her sister just died two years ago, and now her brother.

What countries did you visit?
None, another year of staying in the US, and wishing I could travel.

What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Grad school acceptance letters. Positivity. Living on my own.

What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
February 14, Valentine's Day, one of the few days when I felt like Taylor cared.
June 3, when Taylor and I broke up.
July 3 & 4, a night of epic stupidity followed by a miserable Fourth of July.
August 14, when Tristan and I started dating.
September 12, my twenty-first birthday.
September 13, birthday celebrations with Tristan.
October 17, when I told Tristan I loved him for the first time.
October 31, when Tristan and I went to Salem for Halloween and had an amazing time.
November 27, the day my Uncle Billy died.
December 1st & 15th, some grad school application deadlines.

What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
Applying to grad school. Applying to 12 schools is such a lot of work! I feel proud of my writing portfolio, and just of my decision to apply and conviction that it's what I want to do.

What was your biggest failure(s)?
I suppose, when I was with Taylor, being weak. I look back on it now and can't believe how unwilling I was to see that it wasn't working out, and that I wasn't being treated properly, that I didn't have what I deserved.

What was the best thing you bought?
Clothes. And my Dell Mini laptop, it's so useful to take around with me and not have to carry a heavy full-sized laptop.

Where did most of your money go?
The laptop was my biggest purchase, but most of my money was spent on small things that added up to a lot. I bought a lot of clothes. Also this summer I was going out all the time with friends and spending money on restaurants, movies, etc. I also spent way too much post-break-up money trying to console myself with purchases.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Gatherings with friends. New relationship, falling in love again after being badly hurt. Grad school.

What song will always remind you of 2009?
"Woodcut" and "Fuck Was I" by Jenny Owen Youngs, "We Are" by Wendy Darling, "The Pilgriming Vine" by Basia Bulat.

Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
This time last year, I was ecstatically happy because Taylor and I had just started dating and everything was still going well. But after what happened between us, I would say I am happier this year. Maybe not that blissfully blindly-in-love happiness that I felt then, but happy, smarter. I'm in a much better relationship. I feel like I know where I am going.

What do you wish you'd done more of?
Realizing what was going on, being stronger. Being positive, happy and grateful.

What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worrying, always the same answer.

Did you fall in love in 2009?
Yes!

What was your favorite TV program?
Favorite ever is Gilmore Girls, and this year I started watching House which I really liked.

What was the best book you read?
What the Living Do and The Kingdom of Ordinary Time by Marie Howe (poetry)
Corinna A-Maying the Apocalypse by Darcie Dennigan (poetry)
Black Swan Green by David Mitchell (fiction)

What was your greatest musical discovery?
Jenny Owen Youngs, probably.

What did you want and get?
A happy relationship! A decision about what to do after college.

What did you want and not get?
Travel, my own place.

Favorite film of this year?
(500) Days of Summer. I saw it in September at a tiny theatre in Amherst, MA with my mom. It was one of those movies that captivated me every second, and I kept hoping it wouldn't end yet. I just got the DVD for Christmas and watched it again.
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned twenty-one! On September 12. I had the annual birthday gathering with my best friends -- Kadie, Holly, and Nikki (Justine unfortunately couldn't come this year) -- and my mom. We went to Newport, RI, wandered around, looked at shops, and went to dinner at a nice restaurant. The funny thing was that I really wanted to have a glass of wine at dinner, being 21 and all, but the restaurant we went to ended up not serving alcohol! So we went down to the pier, where they have a nice little outdoor bar, and the bartender gave me a glass of wine for free because it was my birthday. It was really lovely.

The day after my birthday, September 13, Tristan came down and we had another birthday celebration. We went to a little town for lunch, and then to Providence, the area around Brown and RISD with lots of artsy shops and restaurants. We had a nice wander around the Brown campus, which has lovely trees and very old buildings. Then we had dinner at a Greek restaurant, sitting outside. It was wonderful.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
It's something I've become really interested in developing, and that makes my bank account angry at me. My favorite combination is: skirt + sweater + boots + scarf + jacket (sometimes hat, hehe). I LOVE fall and winter fashion, spring and summer are pretty boring. I like clothes that are quirky but still elegant. Sometimes I dress like a teacher. And without boots I am lost.

What kept you sane?
My friends, my family, Tristan, school, books.

Who do you miss?
Uncle Billy and Auntie Janice.
Jill, a close friend from high school.
Justine, a lifelong friend who got married last year and moved to Maine.

Who was the best new person you met?
Tristan!

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009:
Be strong in relationships. Don't let anyone control you or walk over you, even someone you love.

A quote that sums up your year:
"We want whoever to call or not call, a letter, a kiss -- we want more and more and then more of it. / But there are moments, walking, when I catch a glimpse of myself in the window glass, / say, the window of the corner video store, and I'm gripped by a cherishing so deep / for my own blowing hair, chapped face, and unbuttoned coat that I'm speechless: / I am living." - Marie Howe

"Each forward step we take, we leave some phantom of ourselves behind." - John Lancaster Spalding

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Some time now I've been divining the end of a snowy morning
Some time now I've been afraid that the pilgriming vine is finally coming to take me
I could be one of them waiting
I could be one of them falling down below
So quietly wishing my only
Never looks down by the maple if he goes
Never looks down if he goes

Tomorrow I'll know if there's silver in your eyes
Coursing down on your cheek
And tomorrow I'll know by the rubies in your voice
They've been calling your name to me lately
You have been one of them waiting
I have been one of them falling down below
So tell me you're always my only
Never look down by the maple if I go
Never look down if I go

Some time now I've been divining the end of a snowy morning
Some time now I've been afraid that the pilgriming vine is finally coming to take me
Taste it and tell me it's savory
Hold it up high to the light and let it grow and
Tell me I'm always your only
Never look down by the maple if you go
Never look down if you go.
- Basia Bulat, "The Pilgriming Vine"

winter break activities

2009-12-16T21:35:43Z

Things I want to do on winter break:

Get a haircut. My bangs are so overgrown that they attack my eyes constantly.

Organize my closet, hang stuff up, take old stuff out, maybe sell clothes & shoes that I don't wear enough on ebay.

Start a blog and update it frequently! A blog of the fashion/lifestyle/photography/random musings sort. There is too much in my life these past couple of years that has gone unchronicled. I have all of high school written down in journals, in paper, on livejournal and blogspot, but not too much of college.

REEEEAAAD. Fiction, poetry, nonfiction, YA fantasy, chick lit, ANYTHING that catches my fancy. I've barely read anything this semester that wasn't for school. Also, every winter break I say "I'm finally going to finish Ulysses!!!" Well I doubt it, but maybe.

See my friends! I have had no social life this semester, other than seeing Tristan usually one night a week. There are some friends I haven't seen since the summer, and some whom I've only seen a few times since then. It is not good.

Various random adventures!

end of semester

2009-12-16T21:28:11Z

I FINISHED WRITING ALL MY FINALS. Oh my God, it feels good. I just have one that is finished, but not turned in yet, for a (wonderful) American philosophy class (Thoreau & Emerson! oh, and the pragmatists too). The professor is amazingly awesome, so he's throwing a party for his students at his house on Friday night, and told us to bring our final papers to the party. Haha!

Thennn I have five more grad school applications to finish and send, and only one of them is really intimidating. It has a special essay instead of the regular personal statement, in which I'm supposed to write about how my reading life has had an impact on me as a writer. It sounds easy, but it's actually really hard. The answer is "yes, I read a lot, it influences what I write." But I have to turn that into 3-5 pages. And I'm finding it really difficult to articulate how my reading influences my writing. I'm pretty much an entirely intuitive person, so I hardly ever really think critically about how I can take what I read and apply it to my own writing. It's just kind of like, I read something, I unconsciously absorb something from it, and next time I write, that something unconsciously seeps into my own writing. But how can I put that into an essay??

I also get the idea that I'm supposed to talk about my "literary influences," but I feel kind of pretentious doing that, and also my influences, I've realized, are pretty strange, and many of them don't have much in common with each other. I thought about it and came up with this pantheon: Virginia Woolf, James Joyce, Walt Whitman, WB Yeats, e. e. cummings, Marie Howe, and Darcie Dennigan. WTF?

But... the Christmas tree looks beautiful.

words meme

2009-07-15T01:25:43Z

Reply to this meme by yelling "Words!" and I will give you five words that remind me of you. Then post them in your LJ and explain what they mean to you. These are from norrell.

New England, books, the sea, writing, fall.

New England: I've lived in New England my whole life so far and I feel very attached to it. I'll probably live elsewhere eventually but can picture myself coming back because I feel such a connection with the place. It's all about autumn, woodsmoke air, sidewalk magic, crinkled pages, sea-chests in attics, captains' houses built in 1708. Every city has history in its corners and ghost stories in the cobblestones.

Books: Are life. There's never a time when I'm not reading a book, and I'm often reading more than one at a time. I couldn't be anything other than an English major even if I tried (I did try briefly to be a journalism major, but came running back to English). Rooms filled with books are glorious and I hope to have a wonderful library-room someday. (When I was little, my favorite Disney movie was Beauty & the Beast and I wanted to be Belle and marry the Beast just so I could have THAT LIBRARY.)

The sea: Another wonderful thing I've lived with my whole life. I live in "The Ocean State," and the sea has always been a mere half hour to 45 minutes away from my house. A quick drive to the beach after work or classes is the simplest thing, and I only really realize how awesome this is when friends from landlocked places point it out. Very many important & glorious things have happened to me by the sea. Also, almost every first date I've ever been on has involved the sea in some way - walking along the shore, sitting on the sea-wall, climbing the sea-cliffs. So I have quite a lot of memories involving the sea.

Writing: Is my thing. I've always written in some form. Journal entries, personal essays, short stories, have chronicled my life & imaginings. Lately I've been most into poetry, after struggling for a while with thinking I should be a fiction writer but not feeling very excited by writing fiction, although it is my favorite thing to read. In the fall I'm going to apply to grad school for an MFA in poetry.

Fall: My favorite season, the season that feels most like home and has the most magic in it. There is beauty and there are colors everywhere, and also ghosts. Chimney-smoke, hot drinks, a thrilling feeling. My birthday is at the very edge of summer & fall. I think fall is also the absolute best season for fashion - boots, light jackets, scarves, fingerless gloves. Knitted things. It's just wonderful.

happy wandering day

2009-05-26T18:28:05Z

The Providence Journal had a feature the other day on interesting things to do on Memorial Day. I picked “Shop Downcity,” an event on Westminster St. where the shops do kind of a sidewalk sale, selling stuff outside at discounted prices. My mom came along with me. We got there toward the end of the day so there wasn’t all that much left, but it was nice to walk around anyway.

The best part of the day was when we stopped in Tazza Cafe for a drink and ended up having a delicious lunch & dessert. I had an iced chai and a panini, and for dessert a strange and marvelous creation called pistachio napoleon. Layers of phyllo with Grand Mariner cream and vanilla-coated mandarin oranges.

While we had lunch we talked about plans for my 21st birthday in September and college graduation one year from now. About the first, I’m very excited. Plans include classy dinners at places with wine lists (one with my parents, one with the boyfriend), an adventure with my best friends (maybe a road trip). About the second thing – graduation – I’m more scared, but the prospect of a party on a nice lawn somewhere with a band playing in the background makes it better.

junior year

2009-05-18T21:33:31Z

I'm sitting in the lobby of the English building at school, which is blissfully empty since it's one of the last days of finals. After I turn in a poetry portfolio and have a meeting with a professor (about whether or not I should go to grad school), I'll be officially done with my junior year of college. I'm taking an online summer class, a senior seminar in creative writing and publishing, but that's more fun than work. Other than that I have no plans for the summer other than working at my (crappy) retail job and spending time with the boyfriend & friends, hopefully managing a few adventures. I entertained the idea of looking for a summer internship, but when it came down to it I was too damn indecisive and lazy, not to mention that I have no idea what kind of internship I would want (and the idea of unpaid work seems dreadfully unfair to me). This could be my last summer vacation, I suppose.

Junior year was a good one, the best year of college I've had so far. In sophomore year I finished taking the boring required classes, so this past year I got to take a lot more classes that I was actually interested in, including a few creative writing classes. I started getting interested again in poetry after not having written much in a while, and also wrote a few short stories. I won second place in the English department's poetry contest. This year I also started seriously thinking about grad school, which made me feel more hopeful about life after college since I still don't know what I want for a career.

Various things that happened junior year:
- Turned twenty
- Met and got together with my boyfriend Taylor
- Took a lot of creative writing classes and got to know the faculty
- Continued working at the same retail job
- Made friends with some people at my job and started hanging out with them
- Applied to work in the writing center as a tutor next year and got the position (unpaid, but for credit)
- My lifelong best friend Nikki started college at my school
- Another of my best friends, Justine, got married & I was a bridesmaid

This is the first year where I felt like I had something of a place in college. That was the consequence of going to the big state school & living at home in order to save money, instead of going to the prestigious private colleges that accepted me and getting buried in student loans... It meant that my college would be closer to my house than my high school was, that I wouldn't have "the college experience" living on-campus and making friends, that I would often feel like I had picked the boring route and that my life had become stagnant. But the upside is that I saved hundreds of thousands of dollars, met a wonderful guy with whom I am in a happy relationship, took classes with some really excellent writing professors, and stayed close to my friends. I don't regret the decision about where I went to college anymore. Especially now that I'm thinking of grad school, which probably wouldn't be a possibility if I'd already blown $40,000 a year on my bachelor's degree. So, all in all, things are good.

events lately

2009-01-28T17:52:36Z

I went back to school. I only have classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which is awesome - and I'll probably be able to do the same thing all next school year, too. I'm taking all English classes: poetry writing, fiction writing, a class on epic poetry, and one on African folklore.

Trying to find a second job. Also I begged my boss for more hours. I would really rather just work almost full-time at my current job instead of working two part-time jobs. It's a boring job, but I work with fun people and my boss is awesome. (I knew I would like her the day she walked past me mumbling "I hate these friggin' customers.") Anyway, my boss likes me so she said she'd do what she could.

Seriously thinking about moving out of my parents' house by the end of the summer. Hence the need for more employment.

Reading - over winter break some highlights were Virginia Woolf's Orlando (I love, love, love Virginia Woolf), Kerouac's On the Road, Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, also Neil Gaiman's American Gods, and a fantasy novel by Jacqueline Carey called Kushiel's Dart. Right now I must devote my reading time to The Iliad for the next couple weeks (for my epic poetry class).

some academia etc.

2009-01-13T01:37:39Z

There's a week left of winter break and I don't want it to end yet. I've been spending it in a rather idyllic way. Spending time with the boy and with friends, reading, lazing around on the internet, listening to music... I definitely don't feel like being tossed back into school life.

But I shouldn't complain because next semester looks like one of my easiest. I discovered that I only need 38 more credits to graduate, which means four classes each remaining semester instead of the usual five (or, in the case of last fall's temporary insanity, six). Then I'll just have to pick up a couple more credits; maybe I'll do an independent study. I've never just taken four classes in a semester before and I'm looking forward to the lightened workload. Two of them are creative writing classes, which are so much fun that they hardly seem like classes.

Also I realized that, after this semester, I only need one more class to finish my English major. Whoa. I'll probably just keep taking English classes, but it will be nice not to have any required classes left. I'll be able to take a lot of creative writing classes instead of literary theory and all. I'm feeling a bit edgy about being a second-semester college junior, though. Next year I'll be a senior, then I'll have to think about scary stuff like what to do after college... about which I am clueless. But I am trying not to think about that now and just focus on enjoying the present.

holiday time

2008-12-31T17:56:43Z

I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas. Mine was quite good. On Christmas Eve, I met the boyfriend's family (well part of it - his dad, stepmom, brother and sister). We went out to dinner and then to his parents' house, where the family opened Christmas presents. To my surprise they had presents for me! They gave me a book about Queen Elizabeth (the boy told them I like historical fiction) and a beautiful red scarf. They were amazingly nice and quirky and funny, and while I was afraid that they wouldn't like me, all nervousness was quickly dispelled.

Then I had Christmas Day with just my parents as usual. Woke up and opened presents - I got a lot of clothes, which was wonderful, books, and some other nice things. My dad made omelets for breakfast then we just hung out the rest of the day. I spent a lot of Christmas reading my new books. From my parents I got On the Road, Woolf's Orlando, and Cosmicomics by Italo Calvino. I've mostly finished On the Road by now - slightly mixed reaction. In some places Kerouac's writing is brilliant (fabulous roman candles, and all), but in others lackluster. And Dean annoys me to no end. I'm trying to decide what to read next.

Yesterday I went to the mall with my mom to spend some Christmas gift cards. I got a couple of sweaters, and a winter coat from Forever21 that I'm becoming obsessed with. It's kind of military-style with two rows of antique-looking silver buttons up the front, with a high pointy collar, and awesome dramatic cuffs on the sleeves. I love clothes too much...

In other news, last semester's grades finally came in. I went crazy when I registered for last semester and took six classes instead of five, which I shall hopefully never do again. But I managed to emerge unharmed. I got five A's and one B+. Disappointed about the B+ - it was in a British Literature class with a professor who loved to give fiendishly difficult quizzes. My GPA remains the same as last semester - 3.87. I'm longing to get it back up past 3.9 - it was 3.95 for the longest time, before I got a B in a cruel philosophy class.

For New Year's Eve I'm going to a party with the boy and a bunch of friends - very low-key, the most intoxicating substance being sugar. ^^ I'm pretty excited because I've never actually gone out on New Year's Eve before.

in winter

2008-12-19T19:49:21Z

Snow snow snow. Currently the first somewhat heavy snow of the season. I love snow but today I am a bit frustrated because I was supposed to go over the boy's, but am instead stuck at home because I am terrible at driving in inclement weather. (Last winter I crashed my car in a snowstorm. It was quite bad.)

School is officially over. Classes ended two weeks ago, and yesterday I turned in my last final paper. I'm glad that this semester ended. I went crazy by taking six classes when I usually only take five. Four out of the six I either disliked or was indifferent toward, but I had two classes that I loved. Both creative writing classes, poetry and nonfiction. I would be sad about those classes having ended, but next semester I have continuations of them. Advanced poetry and fiction, with the same awesome professors.

Winter break lasts gloriously until January 21. I am not going to think about school or almost-looming things like internships (maybe I'll get one) and grad school applications (maybe maybe I'll apply). I'm going to spend a lot of time with the boy of course, and friends. Probably take a couple of day trips - Cambridge, Walden Pond, maybe Amherst, etc. I've also been compiling in my head a winter break reading list of things I've been meaning to read for a while, but haven't because of school. I've had it in the back of my mind to finally finish Ulysses, but I don't know if that will happen. Also, the four or five Virginia Woolf novels I haven't read. But, I might very well just read fantasy books instead. Right now I'm immersed in Neil Gaiman's American Gods. Also, build snow animals and an igloo. And hopefully they'll give me extra hours at work because Christmas ate a good portion of my bank account.

new president!

2008-11-06T20:41:39Z

OBAMA WON! OBAMA WON! OBAMA WON!!!!!!!!!!

I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!

Oh and PS. I'm going to get back to writing in here again... soon.

thrift store serendipity!

2008-09-26T12:25:06Z

Yesterday I had one of my best-ever moments of thrift store serendipity. On my way home I was about to drive by a Savers and decided to go in. Around five years ago I bought some nice slouchy tan boots from there, and while I love them they're getting quite worn out now, so I wanted to search for new thrifted boots. I headed to the shoe section and then I saw them, on the top shelf - a pair of knee-high boots in a lovely chestnut color. I pulled them down and then nearly gasped aloud when I saw the logo: they were Frye!! I checked the size, praying that it would be mine... and, oh my goodness, the label said 9.5 - PERFECT - right next to the price label - twenty dollars. I pulled them down and was nearly overcome by urge to grab the nearest person and exclaim, "Do you know what these are?! They would sell for at least $100 on ebay, $300 if they were new! And - $20!!!!" As it was, I just clutched them possessively and declared them mine.

school and autumn with graduate school worries

2008-09-23T20:31:57Z

I am still loving school. What is it with me this year? I've disliked school for most of my life, other than when I had rare interesting classes. I guess now that I'm pretty far along in college, the classes get better! Which makes me absolutely thrilled to be in school. I'm especially in love with my writing classes. I have one fiction, and one poetry. I find that I really need writing classes to keep me motivated to write - and autumn helps too, I basically only feel creative in cold weather (isn't that odd?).

Speaking of... HAPPY AUTUMN!!!!! It is officially here and there is no possible way I could be more excited than I am. AHHHH. I love autumn, and winter too. Cold weather! Crisp air, PUMPKINS, apple cider, apple bags, FALL CLOTHES (YES! I've been wearing boots and scarves constantly and I'm longing for the temperature to drop more so I can wear jackets too). And ghosts in the air, in the woodsmoke. Beautiful red-orange-yellow leaves. New England autumn, I love you.

I am mostly quite happy lately, but every so often I do have a panic. I'm a junior in college and I really do not know what to do with my life! Basically, I just want to stay in school... I'm pretty sure that I now want to go to graduate school for an MFA in creative writing (fiction). After all, I DO want to write and without writing classes, I lose inspiration and drive. A few years of intense writing classes would be good for me. But the only way I can go to graduate school is if I get full funding. And also, there's a nagging thought in my mind that all I've ever done is go to school, and might it be time to try something different and adventurous? Maybe time off before graduate school? But what would I do?! And would graduate school just be a method of buying time, of prolonging the dreaded inevitable search for employment? Do I just want to stay in school because it's safe and less scary than the working world, or because I really want an MFA? Hm...

birthdaybirthdaybirthday! :D

2008-09-13T03:37:31Z

Today is my birthday! I'm twenty. Yayyy!!! :D

It has been a wonderful birthday. This morning my mom and I went out for second breakfast - I had a cherry vanilla bagel and a chai. Then I went to school. All day it was most thrillingly cold out and cloudy, which I consider excellent weather. Sometimes my birthday is a fall day and sometimes a summer day, and I was very happy that this year it was a fall day. Throughout the day friends kept calling me or sending text messages for the occasion, which made me very happy! After my last class today, I was taken by surprise to find... my best friend Nikki sitting on a bench behind a bush, waiting to intercept me! She took me to the little grocery store on campus and we bought microwave lunches, which we ate in Nikki's dorm room as a random birthday celebration.

After that I came home and my parents gave me my birthday presents. I got an amazing faux-leather motorcycle jacket that I'd wanted from Urban Outfitters, along with gift cards to Barnes & Noble and Starbucks, some hair products from Lush... My parents and I have a history of creative packaging when it comes to presents, so for the B&N gift card my dad stuffed a bunch of coins into the box so it would feel heavy, and overflow when I tried to open it!

Tonight I actually went to someone else's birthday party. It was a surprise party for my aunt (whose birthday was last week), that my uncle inadvertently scheduled on my birthday. But lots of people there knew it was my birthday too. It was a lot of fun though, my aunt was very surprised, especially because a lot of people came from far away to celebrate.

Sunday is my big annual birthday adventure, which is when my mom, my four best friends and I go on an adventure somewhere interesting for the day, have crazy antics, eat the giant birthday cookie that one friend bakes for the occasion each year... I can't wait!

When I was little, I thought twenty was a respectable old age... Haha! It's a bit strange not being a teenager anymore, but I also like the endless possibilities of being a new age. Yay, birthday. :D

BACK TO SCHOOL!

2008-09-05T21:36:28Z

On Wednesday I started my junior year of college. YAY!!! I don't think I have ever been this overjoyed to go back to school. Something about this summer just dragged and left me longing for school... now it has come and I am ECSTATIC. I even went overboard in my enthusiasm and signed up for six classes instead of the usual five, figuring I would dislike one and drop, but... nope, I like them all.

THINGS I NEED TO DO SOON:
- Set up appointment with English department advisor to find out if I am doing things right, talk about preparing to maybe apply for graduate school etc.
- Set up appointment with French advisor to talk about spending part of next summer in Quebec for the Laval French Immersion program
- Go to an informational meeting about internships
- Uh my homework

Now without further ado,

ENG 205A: Poetry
Poetry writing and reading! This class is taught by Peter Covino, who is one of the stars of the English department in that EVERYONE loves him and fights to get into his classes. He's an amazing poet, not to mention very nice and funny. I've been wanting to take his class since freshman year! Now I finally got in. And I can tell already it is going to be amazing. And best of all... Prof. Covino KNEW WHO I WAS, by reputation! That's never happened to me before. He saw me and came over and said wasn't it me who had won the department's writing contest last year, and that he really loved the story I wrote for the contest! AHHH. Then he named me one of the writers to share work in the first poetry workshop of the semester. Whatever I write has to be really good now because apparently my reputation (of which I was formerly unaware) has preceded me... hehe.

ENG 305: Creative Writing (Fiction)
The professor of this class is a very straightforward, no bullshit kind of guy - but also quite nice. He was part of the judging committee for the writing contest last year so he gave me the short story award at the ceremony and said he liked my writing very much - however, I don't think he remembers me now as he didn't seem to recognize me. Ah well. Anyway, I'm not sure what to expect from this class as he didn't hand out a syllabus yet, but I think it will be very very good.

ENG 469: The Modern Novel
One of my required English classes, dealing with the post-historical novel. Another class I'm not sure what to expect from, as I've never read anything by the authors we will be covering. However, it should be interesting because so far in college, I have mostly taken English classes from an earlier historical period - this will be something different!

ENG 251: British Literature 1
Another requirement. We're reading the period from Beowulf right up until Shakespeare - another period to which I haven't given much attention in the past.

WRT 201: Writing Argumentative Texts
I took this only because I love the professor - I had her last year for creative nonfiction. She was very happy to see me in the class so now I can't drop it! (It's an elective and would've been the one to go...) Anyway, it's all about writing persuasive essays. We're also going to be focusing very much on the presidential campaign, which should be interesting. The only worry I have is that... I don't really like either of the presidential candidates. I'll have to pick one to vote for, but I don't have any particularly strong convictions about either of them to write persuasively about!

FRN 207: French Conversation 1
Another elective, or I'm thinking of the idea of declaring a French minor, maybe, possibly? I'm scared of this class because we will only be allowed to speak in French, all the time, in front of the class, in groups, and for the midterm and final, alone with the professor while he spends 15 minutes interviewing us one-on-one... Eek. But the professor is really cool and not too strict about things, and also absolutely hilarious. He said he didn't particularly care if our French is perfect or not all the time, as long as we make an effort! So that's good.

AHHH SCHOOOOOL. I'm so excited. I had this moment of euphoria on Wednesday when it sunk in that it will not have to be summer for NINE MONTHS and that for all of those months I can take fabulous English classes, walk around on campus, see friends, get coffees, read things, write things... Really, as I said, I've never been this happy to be in school. I've finished all my (ridiculous) gen-eds so now I am only taking things in my major, and electives. And, YAY.

studying abroad

2008-08-07T17:27:05Z

As you may have guessed from recent entries - I'm rather determined to spend a considerable time outside of the US sometime in the next year... In high school I always wanted to study abroad in college and had visions of spending junior year in London or Paris. When I got to college, though, I realized that it's fearfully expensive (especially England - stupid weak dollar). Also my overprotective parents freak out a bit at the thought of me spending a huge chunk of time across the pond. While I will definitely spend a lot of time in Europe in the future (I've longed to go since elementary school for goodness' sake), might it be best to save it for when I am out on my own?

As of right now it looks like I have approximately three options of studying abroad in 2009:

1. Summer in England: This one is scandalously expensive - $5000 just for tuition, room and board, and that doesn't even include the plane ticket! The program is six weeks in summer at the University of Bath, taking two English literature courses there. It would give me credit toward my English degree, and also a good friend of mine is desperate to go, so bashing round England with him, instead of alone, would be very fun. But ye gods, that price! (My parents aren't paying for it - it's basically all me.)

2. A semester in Quebec: Spring 2009 at l'Université Laval in Quebec City through a direct exchange program. So tuition would be the same as a normal semester at my school and I think I would only have to pay room and board (and buying clothes at Simons... hehe just kidding). Going only to Canada instead of Europe and the fact of Quebec being a mere nine hour drive from Rhode Island would considerably ease the worries of my parents, and would be a good compromise since I love Quebec City. The main problem with this one is that, although I could easily finish my French minor in Quebec, I don't know how well a semester at a French university would work out for my English literature degree. Since I didn't start off as an English major in college, I don't think I can afford to fall behind on taking required English classes. Also, I don't know if my French is good enough to survive four months at a French-speaking university, in classes targeted toward students with French as a first language. There is also the matter of how I cannot afford to be unemployed for a semester...

3. Summer in Quebec: Just last night while researching this matter I found out that Laval also has a five-week "French immersion" summer program for international students! Apparently I would be taking a number of intensive French courses while living in Quebec City, either in a university residence hall or with a host family. At approximately $3000 for tuition, room and board, it is considerably cheaper than the summer in England program and that price might actually be manageable. It seems much more exciting to spend a whole semester in another country, but a summer program might have to be a compromise.

meory @ 2008-08-06T10:56:00

2008-08-06T14:58:09Z

A cold and rainy day. A day for listening to the Decemberists, drinking chai and reading fashion blogs. Oh and going to work for a little while, but that's beside the point. I think there's been a hint of autumn in the air lately. But that might just be wishful thinking - autumn is my favorite season, so I always try to start it too soon. I'm longing for it.

academic worries

2008-08-06T03:58:05Z

Less than one month until school starts again! Yay. I'm excited but also nervous... I'm going to be a junior in college. That is quite scary. I feel worried because it seems like I have not made the most of the first two years of college. I haven't done anything!

It's like this... I went to a competitive private high school - nothing too fancy or intense, but there were always a fair few students going on to the Ivy League each year, and there was this kind of ever-present pressure to Succeed, which mostly meant getting into a good college. All throughout high school, everyone was stressed about gathering extracurricular activities, leadership positions, and perfect grades, to put on college applications. Every time a student received an acceptance letter from a famous college, the jealousy, worry, feelings of inadequacy, etc., would brew.

So, I did a lot of extracurricular activities that I didn't care about and actually quite disliked, just to make my applications look good. And I got accepted to the fancy liberal arts schools that I had dreamed about. But then I did the "unthinkable" - I went to my safety school. I turned down the semi-impressive names and enrolled in the huge state university. I did it mostly because of financial issues - I didn't want to graduate in debt with tens of thousands of dollars in student loans, and I also didn't want to ask my parents to make huge sacrifices to send me to a fancy school. But the smaller, nagging reason why I made that choice was: I was just tired. I was so sick of the competition and the race to get ahead and Succeed.

I guess that's why, in the past two years of college, I haven't really done much. I've worked in my classes and gotten A's, won a prize in the department's writing contest, but other than that... eh. After high school I kind of just felt so worn-out that I didn't take on anything extra in college, anything interesting to put on a resume. I've just gone to school, written some things, studied, and worked a lot at my little job that has no relevance to anything academic.

Now the time's coming to start looking for internships, and I have a pathetic, boring resume! And I don't really know what to do now. I don't even know what activities and things are out there, and how one goes about participating in them. I'm afraid that a high GPA won't be enough and I am very worried that I am just too far behind.

traveling

2008-08-05T05:04:12Z

Whenever I go away anywhere, I never get homesick. My friends and family with whom I travel want to come home after a while and get back to a familiar place and routine. But me - when I go away to a place I love, I completely fall under the spell of the place. I'm captivated. The place has my heart, and leaving is quite terrible.

When I was in Quebec, the thought of coming home seemed pretty dreadful. I desperately didn't want to leave an astonishingly beautiful place and return to the old routine, the street I've lived on almost all my life, and the boredom of my job at home seemed too agonizing to think about. I dislike the predictability of being at home. Even though things can be difficult when away - a language barrier, not knowing your way around, etc. - I love that difficulty. I love the challenge of finding your way, literally and metaphorically, in a new place. For some reason, walking down the old cobblestone streets of Quebec or sitting on the boardwalk overlooking the St. Lawrence River, I had an inexplicable feeling of belonging more than I usually do at home.

I also love how, in a new place, you can be anyone. Just from seeing you for the first time, no one knows where you are from, what language you speak, what you've done, who you know, or anything. Leaving home, I step into a new world of possibility where anything can happen.

Every time I travel I realize again a need to move away, to another city or even another country. I have this desire for adventure that can only be satisfied by going to new places, not just for vacation, but really making a life somewhere new.

Yes, if I moved far away, I would miss my friends at home very much. But I think the best friends will always be friends in spite of distance. And having friends far away means more places to visit!

mon voyage à québec

2008-08-04T04:56:36Z

I spent last week in Québec City with my best friend Nikki, my parents, my dad's cousin and her husband. This was my third trip to Québec and I love it more every time. I love the centuries of history that have formed the old city, the cobblestone streets and the beautiful stone buildings. I love going to little cafés, ordering hot chocolate and croissants. And I love hearing snippets of French conversation all around and also speaking to people in French, savoring the elegance and lovely sound of the language. The streets are filled with color, painted roofs and flowers overflowing from window-boxes, and also plenty of street performers. There is music everywhere, pianists and accordionists playing charming songs.

And so, here is a long entry with very many pictures detailing my magical trip to Québec.

We arrived at night (we drove up - 9 hours) and, after settling into our rooms, we went out to the boardwalk, which was very close to our hotel. It's a beautiful boardwalk in back of the Chateau Frontenac, that overlooks the lower city and the St. Lawrence River. During the day, it is filled with performers, musicians, gelato stands, and lots of people, but at night it is peaceful and quiet. It was magical standing at the railing overlooking the lights of the lower city.

Le Chateau Frontenac

We stayed in a small inn called L'Auberge du Trésor. It's a very old building - one of the oldest inns in North America! It was first constructed in 1640. Obviously there are many newer parts of it, but in the room that Nikki and I shared, one of the walls has been there since 1679! I love that kind of history, so we started thinking of all the people who could have seen that wall before us. The whole inn is beautiful, outside and inside. Here are some pictures:

Nikki going down the front stairs ^^

^ Here I am in the room, very happy to have arrived!

The old wall!

Our inn was right in the middle of the old city, in the town square. Stepping out our front door every day was wonderful and exciting because we emerged right into the midst of everything that was going on, which I loved. As soon as we stepped outside, we were greeted with beauty all around, bursts of color, lots of people walking by engaged in conversation, and the sounds of music drifting by.

The view from our front door

Right next to our inn

Next door was this alley where many artists display and sell their work

This year, Québec celebrates its 400th birthday, which calls for a year-long party. There were signs and banners everywhere wishing the city a happy birthday. Unfortunately our timing was wrong so we weren't there for any of the huge events going on for the celebration, but it was still fun to see that almost every restaurant and shop had a "celebrate our 400 years!" sign.

One of my favorite places to go is down the steep stairs to the lower city (La Basse-Ville). Our inn was in the upper city, so we did a lot of walking up and down those stairs. I especially love la rue Petit Champlain, which is one of the oldest parts of the city and one of the oldest streets in North America. There is a square with a centuries-old church (la Place Royale), and narrow cobblestone streets, nestled between tall stone buildings with colorful shutters and flowers cascading from the windows. There are a lot of cute little shops, cafés, and restaurants there. We had lunch at a restaurant with a narrow spiral staircase, leading to an upstairs dining room with huge windows overlooking Petit Champlain. Later we watched some of an outdoor concert at the Place Royale by Bette & Wallet, a very good & unique musical duo from Québec who take traditional French songs and make them new and modern. We left with one of their CDs and I've been playing it constantly.

Petit Champlain

Place Royale

^ Here is a picture of me in the lower city while it was raining. I'm carrying my beloved new umbrella that I bought in a little shop called Atelier La Pomme. The umbrella says, "Merde, il pleut." (Shit, it's raining.) :D

Here are some more pictures around Québec:

A statue near le Vieux Port (the old port)

Sunset from the port - the biggest building is part of l'Université Laval

The boardwalk

Le Chateau Frontenac

Encore ^^

Le Chateau from the boardwalk

View of Petit Champlain from the boardwalk

There are a lot of horsedrawn carriages

The girl who did face painting outside our inn

Very funny performers at the Vieux Port

We ate a ridiculous amount of delicious food. Often we would just wander into little cafés for hot chocolate and croissants, always delicious. Also we went one morning to a farmer's market down by the Vieux-Port and strolled past the fruit stands, eating a cup of raspberries, blueberries, and gooseberries. We bought a baguette and herbed goat cheese and had a little picnic in a gazebo on the boardwalk.

The best vegetable omelet of my life at the restaurant in our inn, Restaurant Le Relais

A bowl of hot chocolate and a croissant for breakfast at Chez Temporel, an out-of-the-way café down a quiet side street

The best hot chocolate at La Creperie, where I also had a strawberries & creme crepe!

An AMAZING chocolate croissant, and lattes with maple sugar sprinkled on top

Nikki and I having breakfast at Restaurant Le Relais (home of the omelet!). It was early morning, the light was soft, and a pianist nearby was playing Fur Elise, the familiar notes mixed with the sounds of cutlery and voices all around us.

One night, we took a bus from Place D'Youville to Montmorency Falls. We went there for Les Grands Feux Loto-Québec, which is a summer-long international fireworks competition. Many different countries come to Québec to put on a huge fireworks show set to music over the waterfall. The show we saw was by the US. There were huge crowds there to watch. I sat next to a very nice man from Québec who started talking to me and asked where I was from, and later translated the parts of the French announcements over the loudspeaker that I didn't understand. The fireworks show was amazing. The part I liked best was when there was kind of a prelude to the show, then the announcer came on and said that the US would like to wish Québec a happy birthday. I thought it was quite considerate. ^^

The falls before sunset

We spent a lot of lovely hours just walking around the city, going into shops (and cafés of course) and just wandering, taking in the sights. Whenever out and about I liked to pretend that I lived there and was going about my daily business, instead of just visiting... Here are some pictures of us around the city:

Nikki and I

Me ^^

Nikki and I with our boyfriend. The first time we visited Québec in 2000, we found this statue and so the relationship started. We named him Jacques.

We became a bit obsessed with Simons. I bought a LOT of clothes there.

As I said before I absolutely love the French language. I am not fluent, but I can get by. I tried by best while in Québec to speak to people in French, because I want to practice and get better, and also because I hate seeming like an arrogant American who expects everyone to speak English. My most common French phrase while in Québec was probably "Deux chocolats chauds, s'il vous plait," hehe. (Two hot chocolates, please - since Nikki had me order for her too ^^). But I did manage to have one full conversation in French with a (very cute) boy who worked in a shop. He asked if I wanted him to translate the writing on the clothes in the shop from the French, but I explained that I can read French well, just not speak so well, but then he started talking to me in French and I understood him and was able to talk back, so maybe I'm better than I thought I was!

On our last morning in Québec, I woke up very early before everyone else and went out to the boardwalk to say goodbye to the city. It had rained the night before and everything was still wet, and the blue-grey sky was slowly lightening. I stood at the railing as we did on our first night, looked down at the lower city and across the St. Lawrence River, and while a cold breeze was blowing, thought some very nice thoughts to the city. I think it may even have thought some to me, too.

I don't quite know how to explain just how much I loved this trip and how much I love this city. I find it completely enchanting, and every time I go I am captivated. This time I think the magic was especially strong because I desperately did not want to leave. I love being surrounded by the rich history of the place, the beauty all around, the joy and life of the city, the French conversations, not to mention the wonderful chilly weather even in July. I got this inexplicable feeling of belonging there, even though I'm not fluent in the language and I don't know my way around everywhere. I'm determined to go back as soon as possible. I did a bit of research upon my arrival back home and found out that my school has a direct exchange program with Québec's Université Laval, so when I go back to school I'm going to meet with an English department and a French department advisor to get more information about that. Imagine if I could live in this beautiful city for a semester, for only the regular cost of a semester at my school plus the price of a room?

In the meanwhile, I will miss... Being surrounded by history. The delicious food. Speaking and listening to French. Staying out late walking around with Nikki, getting hot chocolate or gelato, sharing secrets. Being crazy and having fun with Nikki in our room, laughing over inside jokes, making coffee and eating snacks. Going out to dinner with the whole group. The early morning minutes I would spend sitting in our windowsill, watching the sky lighten, looking forward to the day and trying to hold onto every moment. The beauty, color, and music everywhere. Everything.

"Travel is more than just the seeing of sights; it is the change that goes on, deep and permanent, in the ideas of living." -Miriam Beard

je suis revenue!

2008-08-03T15:59:24Z

I came back yesterday from Québec City, I had a wonderful time and I already miss it desperately! Expect a long post with lots of pictures very soon.

happy things lately

2008-07-18T20:15:27Z

happy things lately:

Yesterday night I got a surprise phone call from a good friend from high school, Kent, who moved to Boston but has been coming to visit RI frequently this summer. He said to quickly get myself to the beach for some spontaneous festivities! So I went. There were also two other friends. It was just after sunset and we all ran into the ocean in the moonlight, jumped waves and splashed around and planned sneak attacks for a while, then we went out for ice cream. I love impromptu outings like this, especially when I get to come home salty and ocean-tired late at night.
Less than two weeks until Quebec!
Going to Starbucks, drinking passion tea lemonade, reading or journaling
Shopping with my mom at the H&M sale
Wearing my favorite Free People dress on hot days
This sunset the other day:

trip soon

2008-07-16T14:42:16Z

I haven't posted in a while simply because... there is nothing going on. Truly. I have just been working a lot at my boring job, lazing around & reading, and occasionally seeing friends if we miraculously have the same day off. I'm a bit disgusted by how lazy this summer has been. I can't wait to go back to school so I can actually do non-boring things, look for an internship, and such.

But in the meanwhile, the highlight of this summer is approaching: at the end of July, I'm going to Quebec City for a week with my parents and my best friend Nikki. We're renting two apartments in a centuries-old building in the old city, one for my parents and one for me & Nikki. I've been twice before and it's one of my favorite places. We'll stroll around the cobblestone streets and drink hot chocolate and eat croissants at tiny cafés, have dinner (and crepes for dessert of course) at restaurants with outdoor tables that overlook the lamplit street, check out the adorable French boys who drive the horsedrawn carriages (last time Nikki voted carriage #24 as the cutest, haha), walk down sun-drenches streets filled with color and browse shops... I haven't gone anywhere in ages so I can't wait for this trip. I'm also looking forward to being able to talk to people in French, since I'm much better at it than the last time we went when I was sixteen. Yay!

restless summer

2008-07-01T18:34:00Z

So I finally made a flickr account. It's flickr.com/photos/meory. Pictures of places I go & adventures & fashion experiments & whatnot. I've decided to put a strip of photos ^^^ at the top of lj entries to, er, make things more interesting and inspire myself to start taking pictures of things again, and to add a bit of my daily life to this little journal. So click on each of them to see the bigger photo! woohoo.

I have been feeling quite restless lately. I've been working nights while mostly everyone I know works days, so I've been on my own a lot. I've been wandering around, going to B&N and grabbing stacks of books to read in the cafe. I've been working through a series of lectures by E.E. Cummings (my hero!) called Six Nonlectures. I love reading them because I feel like I am in that lecture hall at Harvard and I can hear the laughter whenever he makes a joke and there is not one moment of boredom anywhere. I adore E.E.

I've also been going to my favorite stores and haunting the discount racks, it's quite a good method to find nice things for almost nothing. However I need to stop spending vast amounts of money so I have imposed a new rule upon myself - after paying bills put half of the remaining paycheck into the bank, and do whatever I want with the other half. It's working well so far.

Basically though, I am almost desperate to go back to school. My equally dorky friend Kyle and I have been calling each other and bemoaning how boring our jobs are and expressing our deep longing for September. I have big plans for this school year, like looking for an internship, seeing if the English department's new literary magazine needs any new editors, and even finding out if I can miraculously scrounge together $4000 to go on the study in England program next summer (one can always dream). I also have an assortment of awesome classes for the fall that I can't wait to start.

ENG 305 Advanced Creative Writing: Creative Nonfiction
I don't have any real details on this class since a course description wasn't posted, but I know it will be great because the professor is this hilarious & cool guy who awarded me second place in the short story contest last semester and told me I could have a future in writing, which obviously won me over.

ENG 250 Creative Writing: Poetry
I am looking forward to this the most. The professor is probably one of my favorite poets [not to mention one of the most gorgeous men in existence - but he's gay of course, as seems to be the case too often in my life :P]. But anyway, he's very enthusiastic and his classes are full of energy and fun, which I think is school in its best form.

ENG 241 British Literature I
I'm taking this for the 16th-17th century requirement. Not sure of the details & which authors we'll be covering.

ENG 469 The Modern Novel
For the 20th century requirement. Virginia Woolf & Faulkner & some others, focusing on the historical novel.

FRN 207 French Conversation I
This is my Take A Risk class for the semester. I love French, I took French for seven years in junior high & high school, and also I took a French class last semester. I can read French well and write it passably, but I'm a terror in conversation because I have to think about what I'm about to say too much. So I hope this class will help with that. I'm scared though, because I am shy and have trouble talking to strangers in English, never mind French! :P

summer things

2008-06-10T20:32:31Z

There's a heat wave going on right now and it's been 100 degrees out for three days. I spent yesterday in Boston, where Nikki & I took shelter in shops and malls and subway cars speeding underneath the city. We wandered the streets for a while but finally we couldn't stand the heat anymore. So we took the T to Back Bay and wandered through Copley Place and the Prudential Center, lethargically strolling past storefronts bearing names like Dior and Louis Vuitton, until finally we found a Barnes & Noble, ordered cold drinks, and sat reading magazines for hours. Eventually we went outside into a pretty courtyard and sat on a huge fountain by a green lawn, the windows of tall buildings reflecting the heat-dizzy sky. We wished we could jump into the fountain but figured that, in a wealthy neighborhood with a Dior store, such activity would be frowned upon.

Today I put on a floaty skirt and went to the Barnes & Noble near my house (as you can see, I basically live at B&N). I dropped off a job application, finally. The guy working there said they were only hiring for full-time positions right now, but I hope that something part-time will open up. It took a lot of debate and indecision to turn in that application, should I change jobs or not, should I work two jobs, but I finally just decided to do it and see what happens.

Then I went to Macy's and bought a winter coat! Hehe. Wishful thinking. Actually I went to look at the summer sale, but I found this coat on the discount rack. It was reduced from $70 to $20(!!) and it's absolutely gorgeous, with really thin pale black & white stripes all over, huge buttons, a belt, and a full skirt! I think it looks like a glamorous coat from the '50s. I figure that I will really, really thank myself in November when it's impossible to find a nice coat for under $100.

Something strange is that I tend to have a hard time getting used to summer. School ends abruptly in May and then I kind of laze around aimlessly, except when I'm working, feeling uninspired, bored and boring. I'm getting over it now though. Now I have a huge longing to spend days at the beach, go out for ice cream, wear pretty summer dresses... Also the writing conference is the weekend after next, so that should be exciting.