- Get a haircut. My bangs are so overgrown that they attack my eyes constantly.
- Organize my closet, hang stuff up, take old stuff out, maybe sell clothes & shoes that I don't wear enough on ebay.
- Start a blog and update it frequently! A blog of the fashion/lifestyle/photography/random musings sort. There is too much in my life these past couple of years that has gone unchronicled. I have all of high school written down in journals, in paper, on livejournal and blogspot, but not too much of college.
- REEEEAAAD. Fiction, poetry, nonfiction, YA fantasy, chick lit, ANYTHING that catches my fancy. I've barely read anything this semester that wasn't for school. Also, every winter break I say "I'm finally going to finish Ulysses!!!" Well I doubt it, but maybe.
- See my friends! I have had no social life this semester, other than seeing Tristan usually one night a week. There are some friends I haven't seen since the summer, and some whom I've only seen a few times since then. It is not good.
- Various random adventures!
Thennn I have five more grad school applications to finish and send, and only one of them is really intimidating. It has a special essay instead of the regular personal statement, in which I'm supposed to write about how my reading life has had an impact on me as a writer. It sounds easy, but it's actually really hard. The answer is "yes, I read a lot, it influences what I write." But I have to turn that into 3-5 pages. And I'm finding it really difficult to articulate how my reading influences my writing. I'm pretty much an entirely intuitive person, so I hardly ever really think critically about how I can take what I read and apply it to my own writing. It's just kind of like, I read something, I unconsciously absorb something from it, and next time I write, that something unconsciously seeps into my own writing. But how can I put that into an essay??
I also get the idea that I'm supposed to talk about my "literary influences," but I feel kind of pretentious doing that, and also my influences, I've realized, are pretty strange, and many of them don't have much in common with each other. I thought about it and came up with this pantheon: Virginia Woolf, James Joyce, Walt Whitman, WB Yeats, e. e. cummings, Marie Howe, and Darcie Dennigan. WTF?
But... the Christmas tree looks beautiful.
Reply to this meme by yelling "Words!" and I will give you five words that remind me of you. Then post them in your LJ and explain what they mean to you. These are fromnorrell.
New England, books, the sea, writing, fall.
New England: I've lived in New England my whole life so far and I feel very attached to it. I'll probably live elsewhere eventually but can picture myself coming back because I feel such a connection with the place. It's all about autumn, woodsmoke air, sidewalk magic, crinkled pages, sea-chests in attics, captains' houses built in 1708. Every city has history in its corners and ghost stories in the cobblestones.
Books: Are life. There's never a time when I'm not reading a book, and I'm often reading more than one at a time. I couldn't be anything other than an English major even if I tried (I did try briefly to be a journalism major, but came running back to English). Rooms filled with books are glorious and I hope to have a wonderful library-room someday. (When I was little, my favorite Disney movie was Beauty & the Beast and I wanted to be Belle and marry the Beast just so I could have THAT LIBRARY.)
The sea: Another wonderful thing I've lived with my whole life. I live in "The Ocean State," and the sea has always been a mere half hour to 45 minutes away from my house. A quick drive to the beach after work or classes is the simplest thing, and I only really realize how awesome this is when friends from landlocked places point it out. Very many important & glorious things have happened to me by the sea. Also, almost every first date I've ever been on has involved the sea in some way - walking along the shore, sitting on the sea-wall, climbing the sea-cliffs. So I have quite a lot of memories involving the sea.
Writing: Is my thing. I've always written in some form. Journal entries, personal essays, short stories, have chronicled my life & imaginings. Lately I've been most into poetry, after struggling for a while with thinking I should be a fiction writer but not feeling very excited by writing fiction, although it is my favorite thing to read. In the fall I'm going to apply to grad school for an MFA in poetry.
Fall: My favorite season, the season that feels most like home and has the most magic in it. There is beauty and there are colors everywhere, and also ghosts. Chimney-smoke, hot drinks, a thrilling feeling. My birthday is at the very edge of summer & fall. I think fall is also the absolute best season for fashion - boots, light jackets, scarves, fingerless gloves. Knitted things. It's just wonderful.
The Providence Journal had a feature the other day on interesting things to do on Memorial Day. I picked “Shop Downcity,” an event on Westminster St. where the shops do kind of a sidewalk sale, selling stuff outside at discounted prices. My mom came along with me. We got there toward the end of the day so there wasn’t all that much left, but it was nice to walk around anyway.
The best part of the day was when we stopped in Tazza Cafe for a drink and ended up having a delicious lunch & dessert. I had an iced chai and a panini, and for dessert a strange and marvelous creation called pistachio napoleon. Layers of phyllo with Grand Mariner cream and vanilla-coated mandarin oranges.
While we had lunch we talked about plans for my 21st birthday in September and college graduation one year from now. About the first, I’m very excited. Plans include classy dinners at places with wine lists (one with my parents, one with the boyfriend), an adventure with my best friends (maybe a road trip). About the second thing – graduation – I’m more scared, but the prospect of a party on a nice lawn somewhere with a band playing in the background makes it better.
( pictures )Junior year was a good one, the best year of college I've had so far. In sophomore year I finished taking the boring required classes, so this past year I got to take a lot more classes that I was actually interested in, including a few creative writing classes. I started getting interested again in poetry after not having written much in a while, and also wrote a few short stories. I won second place in the English department's poetry contest. This year I also started seriously thinking about grad school, which made me feel more hopeful about life after college since I still don't know what I want for a career.
Various things that happened junior year:
- Turned twenty
- Met and got together with my boyfriend Taylor
- Took a lot of creative writing classes and got to know the faculty
- Continued working at the same retail job
- Made friends with some people at my job and started hanging out with them
- Applied to work in the writing center as a tutor next year and got the position (unpaid, but for credit)
- My lifelong best friend Nikki started college at my school
- Another of my best friends, Justine, got married & I was a bridesmaid
This is the first year where I felt like I had something of a place in college. That was the consequence of going to the big state school & living at home in order to save money, instead of going to the prestigious private colleges that accepted me and getting buried in student loans... It meant that my college would be closer to my house than my high school was, that I wouldn't have "the college experience" living on-campus and making friends, that I would often feel like I had picked the boring route and that my life had become stagnant. But the upside is that I saved hundreds of thousands of dollars, met a wonderful guy with whom I am in a happy relationship, took classes with some really excellent writing professors, and stayed close to my friends. I don't regret the decision about where I went to college anymore. Especially now that I'm thinking of grad school, which probably wouldn't be a possibility if I'd already blown $40,000 a year on my bachelor's degree. So, all in all, things are good.
- I went back to school. I only have classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which is awesome - and I'll probably be able to do the same thing all next school year, too. I'm taking all English classes: poetry writing, fiction writing, a class on epic poetry, and one on African folklore.
- Trying to find a second job. Also I begged my boss for more hours. I would really rather just work almost full-time at my current job instead of working two part-time jobs. It's a boring job, but I work with fun people and my boss is awesome. (I knew I would like her the day she walked past me mumbling "I hate these friggin' customers.") Anyway, my boss likes me so she said she'd do what she could.
- Seriously thinking about moving out of my parents' house by the end of the summer. Hence the need for more employment.
- Reading - over winter break some highlights were Virginia Woolf's Orlando (I love, love, love Virginia Woolf), Kerouac's On the Road, Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett, also Neil Gaiman's American Gods, and a fantasy novel by Jacqueline Carey called Kushiel's Dart. Right now I must devote my reading time to The Iliad for the next couple weeks (for my epic poetry class).
But I shouldn't complain because next semester looks like one of my easiest. I discovered that I only need 38 more credits to graduate, which means four classes each remaining semester instead of the usual five (or, in the case of last fall's temporary insanity, six). Then I'll just have to pick up a couple more credits; maybe I'll do an independent study. I've never just taken four classes in a semester before and I'm looking forward to the lightened workload. Two of them are creative writing classes, which are so much fun that they hardly seem like classes.
Also I realized that, after this semester, I only need one more class to finish my English major. Whoa. I'll probably just keep taking English classes, but it will be nice not to have any required classes left. I'll be able to take a lot of creative writing classes instead of literary theory and all. I'm feeling a bit edgy about being a second-semester college junior, though. Next year I'll be a senior, then I'll have to think about scary stuff like what to do after college... about which I am clueless. But I am trying not to think about that now and just focus on enjoying the present.
Then I had Christmas Day with just my parents as usual. Woke up and opened presents - I got a lot of clothes, which was wonderful, books, and some other nice things. My dad made omelets for breakfast then we just hung out the rest of the day. I spent a lot of Christmas reading my new books. From my parents I got On the Road, Woolf's Orlando, and Cosmicomics by Italo Calvino. I've mostly finished On the Road by now - slightly mixed reaction. In some places Kerouac's writing is brilliant (fabulous roman candles, and all), but in others lackluster. And Dean annoys me to no end. I'm trying to decide what to read next.
Yesterday I went to the mall with my mom to spend some Christmas gift cards. I got a couple of sweaters, and a winter coat from Forever21 that I'm becoming obsessed with. It's kind of military-style with two rows of antique-looking silver buttons up the front, with a high pointy collar, and awesome dramatic cuffs on the sleeves. I love clothes too much...
In other news, last semester's grades finally came in. I went crazy when I registered for last semester and took six classes instead of five, which I shall hopefully never do again. But I managed to emerge unharmed. I got five A's and one B+. Disappointed about the B+ - it was in a British Literature class with a professor who loved to give fiendishly difficult quizzes. My GPA remains the same as last semester - 3.87. I'm longing to get it back up past 3.9 - it was 3.95 for the longest time, before I got a B in a cruel philosophy class.
For New Year's Eve I'm going to a party with the boy and a bunch of friends - very low-key, the most intoxicating substance being sugar. ^^ I'm pretty excited because I've never actually gone out on New Year's Eve before.
School is officially over. Classes ended two weeks ago, and yesterday I turned in my last final paper. I'm glad that this semester ended. I went crazy by taking six classes when I usually only take five. Four out of the six I either disliked or was indifferent toward, but I had two classes that I loved. Both creative writing classes, poetry and nonfiction. I would be sad about those classes having ended, but next semester I have continuations of them. Advanced poetry and fiction, with the same awesome professors.
Winter break lasts gloriously until January 21. I am not going to think about school or almost-looming things like internships (maybe I'll get one) and grad school applications (maybe maybe I'll apply). I'm going to spend a lot of time with the boy of course, and friends. Probably take a couple of day trips - Cambridge, Walden Pond, maybe Amherst, etc. I've also been compiling in my head a winter break reading list of things I've been meaning to read for a while, but haven't because of school. I've had it in the back of my mind to finally finish Ulysses, but I don't know if that will happen. Also, the four or five Virginia Woolf novels I haven't read. But, I might very well just read fantasy books instead. Right now I'm immersed in Neil Gaiman's American Gods. Also, build snow animals and an igloo. And hopefully they'll give me extra hours at work because Christmas ate a good portion of my bank account.
I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!
Oh and PS. I'm going to get back to writing in here again... soon.
Speaking of... HAPPY AUTUMN!!!!! It is officially here and there is no possible way I could be more excited than I am. AHHHH. I love autumn, and winter too. Cold weather! Crisp air, PUMPKINS, apple cider, apple bags, FALL CLOTHES (YES! I've been wearing boots and scarves constantly and I'm longing for the temperature to drop more so I can wear jackets too). And ghosts in the air, in the woodsmoke. Beautiful red-orange-yellow leaves. New England autumn, I love you.
I am mostly quite happy lately, but every so often I do have a panic. I'm a junior in college and I really do not know what to do with my life! Basically, I just want to stay in school... I'm pretty sure that I now want to go to graduate school for an MFA in creative writing (fiction). After all, I DO want to write and without writing classes, I lose inspiration and drive. A few years of intense writing classes would be good for me. But the only way I can go to graduate school is if I get full funding. And also, there's a nagging thought in my mind that all I've ever done is go to school, and might it be time to try something different and adventurous? Maybe time off before graduate school? But what would I do?! And would graduate school just be a method of buying time, of prolonging the dreaded inevitable search for employment? Do I just want to stay in school because it's safe and less scary than the working world, or because I really want an MFA? Hm...
It has been a wonderful birthday. This morning my mom and I went out for second breakfast - I had a cherry vanilla bagel and a chai. Then I went to school. All day it was most thrillingly cold out and cloudy, which I consider excellent weather. Sometimes my birthday is a fall day and sometimes a summer day, and I was very happy that this year it was a fall day. Throughout the day friends kept calling me or sending text messages for the occasion, which made me very happy! After my last class today, I was taken by surprise to find... my best friend Nikki sitting on a bench behind a bush, waiting to intercept me! She took me to the little grocery store on campus and we bought microwave lunches, which we ate in Nikki's dorm room as a random birthday celebration.
After that I came home and my parents gave me my birthday presents. I got an amazing faux-leather motorcycle jacket that I'd wanted from Urban Outfitters, along with gift cards to Barnes & Noble and Starbucks, some hair products from Lush... My parents and I have a history of creative packaging when it comes to presents, so for the B&N gift card my dad stuffed a bunch of coins into the box so it would feel heavy, and overflow when I tried to open it!
Tonight I actually went to someone else's birthday party. It was a surprise party for my aunt (whose birthday was last week), that my uncle inadvertently scheduled on my birthday. But lots of people there knew it was my birthday too. It was a lot of fun though, my aunt was very surprised, especially because a lot of people came from far away to celebrate.
Sunday is my big annual birthday adventure, which is when my mom, my four best friends and I go on an adventure somewhere interesting for the day, have crazy antics, eat the giant birthday cookie that one friend bakes for the occasion each year... I can't wait!
When I was little, I thought twenty was a respectable old age... Haha! It's a bit strange not being a teenager anymore, but I also like the endless possibilities of being a new age. Yay, birthday. :D
THINGS I NEED TO DO SOON:
- Set up appointment with English department advisor to find out if I am doing things right, talk about preparing to maybe apply for graduate school etc.
- Set up appointment with French advisor to talk about spending part of next summer in Quebec for the Laval French Immersion program
- Go to an informational meeting about internships
- Uh my homework
Now without further ado, ( my classes! )
AHHH SCHOOOOOL. I'm so excited. I had this moment of euphoria on Wednesday when it sunk in that it will not have to be summer for NINE MONTHS and that for all of those months I can take fabulous English classes, walk around on campus, see friends, get coffees, read things, write things... Really, as I said, I've never been this happy to be in school. I've finished all my (ridiculous) gen-eds so now I am only taking things in my major, and electives. And, YAY.
As of right now it looks like I have approximately three options of studying abroad in 2009:
1. Summer in England: This one is scandalously expensive - $5000 just for tuition, room and board, and that doesn't even include the plane ticket! The program is six weeks in summer at the University of Bath, taking two English literature courses there. It would give me credit toward my English degree, and also a good friend of mine is desperate to go, so bashing round England with him, instead of alone, would be very fun. But ye gods, that price! (My parents aren't paying for it - it's basically all me.)
2. A semester in Quebec: Spring 2009 at l'Université Laval in Quebec City through a direct exchange program. So tuition would be the same as a normal semester at my school and I think I would only have to pay room and board (and buying clothes at Simons... hehe just kidding). Going only to Canada instead of Europe and the fact of Quebec being a mere nine hour drive from Rhode Island would considerably ease the worries of my parents, and would be a good compromise since I love Quebec City. The main problem with this one is that, although I could easily finish my French minor in Quebec, I don't know how well a semester at a French university would work out for my English literature degree. Since I didn't start off as an English major in college, I don't think I can afford to fall behind on taking required English classes. Also, I don't know if my French is good enough to survive four months at a French-speaking university, in classes targeted toward students with French as a first language. There is also the matter of how I cannot afford to be unemployed for a semester...
3. Summer in Quebec: Just last night while researching this matter I found out that Laval also has a five-week "French immersion" summer program for international students! Apparently I would be taking a number of intensive French courses while living in Quebec City, either in a university residence hall or with a host family. At approximately $3000 for tuition, room and board, it is considerably cheaper than the summer in England program and that price might actually be manageable. It seems much more exciting to spend a whole semester in another country, but a summer program might have to be a compromise.
It's like this... I went to a competitive private high school - nothing too fancy or intense, but there were always a fair few students going on to the Ivy League each year, and there was this kind of ever-present pressure to Succeed, which mostly meant getting into a good college. All throughout high school, everyone was stressed about gathering extracurricular activities, leadership positions, and perfect grades, to put on college applications. Every time a student received an acceptance letter from a famous college, the jealousy, worry, feelings of inadequacy, etc., would brew.
So, I did a lot of extracurricular activities that I didn't care about and actually quite disliked, just to make my applications look good. And I got accepted to the fancy liberal arts schools that I had dreamed about. But then I did the "unthinkable" - I went to my safety school. I turned down the semi-impressive names and enrolled in the huge state university. I did it mostly because of financial issues - I didn't want to graduate in debt with tens of thousands of dollars in student loans, and I also didn't want to ask my parents to make huge sacrifices to send me to a fancy school. But the smaller, nagging reason why I made that choice was: I was just tired. I was so sick of the competition and the race to get ahead and Succeed.
I guess that's why, in the past two years of college, I haven't really done much. I've worked in my classes and gotten A's, won a prize in the department's writing contest, but other than that... eh. After high school I kind of just felt so worn-out that I didn't take on anything extra in college, anything interesting to put on a resume. I've just gone to school, written some things, studied, and worked a lot at my little job that has no relevance to anything academic.
Now the time's coming to start looking for internships, and I have a pathetic, boring resume! And I don't really know what to do now. I don't even know what activities and things are out there, and how one goes about participating in them. I'm afraid that a high GPA won't be enough and I am very worried that I am just too far behind.
When I was in Quebec, the thought of coming home seemed pretty dreadful. I desperately didn't want to leave an astonishingly beautiful place and return to the old routine, the street I've lived on almost all my life, and the boredom of my job at home seemed too agonizing to think about. I dislike the predictability of being at home. Even though things can be difficult when away - a language barrier, not knowing your way around, etc. - I love that difficulty. I love the challenge of finding your way, literally and metaphorically, in a new place. For some reason, walking down the old cobblestone streets of Quebec or sitting on the boardwalk overlooking the St. Lawrence River, I had an inexplicable feeling of belonging more than I usually do at home.
I also love how, in a new place, you can be anyone. Just from seeing you for the first time, no one knows where you are from, what language you speak, what you've done, who you know, or anything. Leaving home, I step into a new world of possibility where anything can happen.
Every time I travel I realize again a need to move away, to another city or even another country. I have this desire for adventure that can only be satisfied by going to new places, not just for vacation, but really making a life somewhere new.
Yes, if I moved far away, I would miss my friends at home very much. But I think the best friends will always be friends in spite of distance. And having friends far away means more places to visit!
And so, here is a long entry with very many pictures detailing my magical trip to Québec. ( come see! )
